In case you were wondering…And Then Some!
This is my second post all month (July)! Personally, I think the last post was on the weak side, but it hurt to neglect my blog! I had to show it some kind of love-
So love me in spite of that shortcoming and forgive me for that last post not being my best, or most thoughtful, or most insightful, or much of anything…ah you get the point.
There’s SO much to be said and shared about this journey I’m on. I’m truly growing as an individual and meaningful contributor to society and I love it!
The only minor set back one could say I face is that I over think things more now than ever. How can I paint this picture for you? Think of the devoted Christian child who goes away to college and has all their beliefs challenged and then returns home with loads upon loads of questions…if you can imagine that then you can kind of understand the mental position I’ve been in.
Here’s a taste of the kinds of questions I’m constantly asking myself:
Why did I just do that?
Why am I going to do that?
What can I do about that?
Why do I feel the way I do?
What are my feelings on the situation?
Why do I believe that?
Do I really believe that?
Is that truth?
And these questions span a wide range of different situations and topics from religion (which isn’t a bad word mind you), relationships, politics, the culture and ethics of the workplace, etc.
Millions of thoughts are zipping through my mind at any given minute. It’s a good thing I know how to multi-task or else I’d be so bombarded with thoughts that I’d be unable to function properly.
Speaking of the culture and ethics of the workplace. I loved my job when I first started. Now…well, eh, not so much. And that really sucks! I’ve realized that workplace diplomacy has played a large part in putting a damper on my enthusiasm to do an excellent job. It’s like I went from eating Wheaties for breakfast to eating…well…Airhead Xtremes (my newest favorite candy/addiction, please pretend I didn’t say addiction, that’s a bad word, and I actually did have that for breakfast this morning smh). I digress.
Yeah sugar is really not the best thing to have in the morning because it leads to a sugar crash not too long after…that’s what it’s been like the last couple weeks at work, one long sugar crash! It’s the grumbling and the complaining and the injustices that come along with working at any job really that can be so draining! Especially if you’re not guarded against it. My guard was all the way down!
I was not expecting the diplomacy that’s at work to blow up in my face. I say diplomacy and not politics because I’m not afraid to go into a discussion about politics although I’d much rather talk about the history that helped shape today’s politics…again, I digress, forgive me? Of course you do.
So I’m in the midst of working through my thoughts and feelings about this current job situation. I’m thankful for it, but I’m not sure if my effective work here is done and it’s time to look elsewhere or if I should stick this one out…decisions, decisions! &shrugs&
On an altogether separate subject – I have discovered that the key to my happiness has been in my pocket this whole time! And I thought I had to find it…smh…silly me. All it took was some serious contemplation about the things I enjoyed doing the most and boom it slapped me up – like my daddy, when I was in the basement in a church in Brooklyn, NY – after I’d given him a hard time and probably embarrassed him the way 4 year olds can sometimes do. LOL. Memories. I need to call my pops and remind him about that. I turned out okay.
I discovered that I was happiest when I was singing. I love music. Other than cross country (later on in life) that was the one thing that really challenged me! I realized that I missed the choral music scene something terrible…I missed being yelled at by a director, I missed marking breaths in my sheet music, I missed music theory, I missed singing in different languages (Latin, Italian, Hebrew!), I missed weekly rehearsals, I missed running around in a gown, sash, pearls, red lipstick and character shoes. So why should I spend the rest of my life missing the thing I enjoyed doing the most? I refuse! So next month I’ll be auditioning for two choirs that perform choral music and God’s willing once again I’ll be doing what I love.
The other thing that I thoroughly take pleasure in is writing. It didn’t take me very long to finally get serious about channeling that into something positive instead of just wasting it. I’ve always written for me. That’s kind of selfish don’t you think? Now I write with a desire to share. That’s why I’m writing this post after all!
So my journey is getting more exciting by the minute. And so is yours!! You may not see it but even when it seems as though we’re in a stand still kind of place with nothing happening major stuff is being set up behind the scenes- it’s true! The choice to believe that is up to each one of us. And there are things in your life that you can take control of, we each hold the key to our own happiness and contentment. It’s as simple as counting our blessings and having people to love!
Speaking of love…
I’m falling in love (again)! And it’s awesome! It’s also extremely nerve-racking at times.
But I’m taking in all the good, loving hard, and refusing to run in difficult times…instead I’m committed to facing things head-on. Ah, collisions may come, but I can’t be a worry wart about the unknown. The future is upon us every second.
I’m not a firework. I’m a super nova.
You are more than who you think you are…
We’re all that and then some!
Keep Shining Pilgrims!
Journey on. Journey strong. Til next time.
Best wishes of Love. Light. & Longevity.