It seems we live them every day. It is after all one of the most popular hashtags or phrases on twitter…
But perhaps some of us live them more often than others.
Here are some examples…
That awkward moment when there’s tension in the house and you live alone.
That awkward moment when you need a shoulder to cry on and nobody picks up their phone.
That awkward moment when you try to eat cereal for dinner and can’t finish the bowl.
So…maybe those moments aren’t so much awkward as they are uncomfortable or maybe just plain sad! But you get the point.
Sidebar: I finally have the internet up and running at my apartment!! Yes…finally! That’s definitely great news for me. Considering I have no cable. However, it’s not like I can watch anything on netflix because my computer isn’t functioning properly. Smh. It’s all good though. I can still be just as productive as I want to be now that I have an internet connection.
Okay…so let’s be honest…”productive as I want to be” – the truth is as of lately I haven’t Wanted to be very productive. Oh, I’ve been productive to an extent but not necessarily because I wanted to. It was more of a going through the motions type thing. That’s ugly right? Yea…I know. Realizing that was not much fun.
Taking a hard look at your self can be awkward. I mean seriously how many people enjoy looking at themselves naked in the mirror in order to point out their flaws? If you do then I think you’re a weirdo. A real one. Now sometimes it may be necessary…yes…but still most people don’t enjoy it…
Living alone opens up that opportunity. Yes of course while you could literally walk around naked (that’s not my point but sure why not smh) it allows you to see who you really are (figuratively speaking). Who you are away from the eyes of the public, away from your support system…who you are when you’re alone and how you change when away from familiar settings.
I discovered that I am a freak! And no, not in the sexual connotation…minds out the gutter please! Seiously speaking…in this month I have discovered that I am not the person I thought I was…instead I was a warped, mutated freakish version of myself. I’m still actually still working through all of that…
I am trying to learn how to embrace feeling homesick without letting homesickness overwhelm and devastate me. Although, Lord knows sometimes I want to quit and take the easy way out…who wants to see anything through to the end anymore??? Well, I dare to see this thing through. Even when it hurts, and gets tough, and uncomfortable. You can’t be a quitter all your life…
I apologize if this seems to be a rather grim post…it is the unadulterated truth though. Of course there’s always a bright side. A few things remain true I do thoroughly enjoy peace and quiet. I’m an in-the-closet romantic who writes poetry and washes dishes by candlelight. Okay so maybe it helps me save electricity. Still it’s sweet. I am learning how to budget better although most of my limited funds goes to groceries and gas.
I love the 80s. I had an 80s party by myself the other night had Cyndi Lauper radio going on pandora and dressed up (all black with eye shadow and red lipstick) to clean up my apartment. <- I obviously need to get out of the house. And I will. Everything in its time.
Including the reversal from mutant to me.
That’s the latest. Over and out pilgrims…
Until next time.
Sending you thoughts of love and light.