Day 18. Its May.

It’s been 18 days since I wrote my last post, that’s probably the longest I’ve gone all year. I wanted to write. I had plenty to write about. I just couldn’t bring myself to write.

I was stuck. For me, feeling stuck is up there in my three worst feelings in the world. Feeling like you’re going to vomit and then actually vomiting are right up there with being stuck.

Stuck.

It’s worse than stepping out in your new kicks and stepping into a wad of gum that someone chose to spit on to the ground rather than dispose of it properly. Oh yeah.

A person who is stuck is kin to zombies. Such a person defines what it means to be the living dead. You’re simply going through the motions. There’s no passion, no zeal, no desire, no hope. Just stuck in a mundane cycle of mediocrity. The most a stuck person can wish for is the security of a dead-end job, getting married to somebody, anybody, having kids, retiring and dying. That’s the sum total of their life. They never seek to expand their horizon or dare to try something new. They never risk really loving someone because they’re so busy keeping stuck. What a life.

The worst thing about being stuck is the more you flail and fight against it with no help or direction the easier it is to accept it. “Oh well…I can’t do much about it.” You are sucked into this black hole existing without really living. I was near the mouth of the black hole and I was floating through my daily tasks the past couple of days but deep inside me was a desire to be free of this stuck feeling, free enough too write, free to feel loved by my Creator, free to smile without needing to carry a “fragile” sign.

Its a hazy world – the one that exists somewhere between past and present. A true limbo.

Unforgiveness was the vehicle that transported me there. I crammed myself into it and locked myself in with pain. A masochist in some ways. Sipping the poison I brewed drinking it thinking it would harm you. Unforgiveness. But it didn’t kill me and for awhile it certainly didn’t make me stronger til the Doctor came in and paid me a visit. I looked at Him like “Doc is this it?” A reverse Michael Jackson. The doctor looked at me with such passion. He bled me out. With the poison out of my system I was poised to live the life I’d been given.

Back from the brink and it seems I was meant to sink by the life guard through me a life savior and now I’m here declaring the works of my Maker and it’s all good…because Jesus makes everything Bright!

Sending out massive vibes of love and light!

P.s. I don’t like to rhyme I like to write – I actually find rhyming extremely annoying and yet I find that I rhyme without trying. Just a note to those who noticed 😉

Blessings Blessings and More Blessings

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s