…Today

You get me hot.
Hot under the collar hot.
Pants on fire hot.
Angry Hot. Mad hot. Red hot.
Hot.
That’s why I did what I did.
Though now I’ve calmed down.
And I wish you’d take it easy on me…
Since I’m confessing-
I lied to you today.
It was the worst
The argument
Our biggest blow up yet
And you said you couldn’t take it
And I said you didn’t have to
And you said you were done with it
And that’s when I lied to you
I said
I hated you and that I found your presence repulsive. I didn’t even want to be your friend on facebook.
You walked out the room.
I heard you grab the keys
A few moments later I heard the slam of the front door
And the car as it roared off into some place where you wouldn’t have to face the wrath of my words.
And I still kept talking.
Still kept lying.
Whispered one more time for the walls to hear
“I don’t even want to be his facebook friend”
And then to prove my point I logged on and unfriended you
Leaving your relationship status as married with a blank
Then I deactivated my account
I didn’t want any more eyes
There were already too many in our marriage
That’s what was causing all the fights
And still I kept lying
Called your phone and left messages which I know you’ve deleted by now without hearing a word of them
And that’s good
You returned one call and I let the voicemail answer you
You returned another and I greeted you with lies
“Just leave me alone! I don’t want to be married to you, I don’t want to speak to you I don’t want to see you. Forget me, don’t even think about me.”
You gave me the dial tone.
I think you called to apologize.
I screamed.
I shouted.
I cried.
I whispered.
And you weren’t there to hear it but all my words were bullets directed towards you that ended up ricocheting off the walls and being absorbed by me.
The pain wasn’t immediate. But as I watched the clock and waited for you to come back home I began to wince in pain. Had you heard all the horrible things I said in your absence?
Had the phone dialed you? Had you still been listening when I cursed you at the top of my lungs?
No matter they were lies.
All lies.
All words spoken in anger with the intention to hurt you because you hurt me.
And then it hit me.
Some hussy might have been ready to welcome you with open arms.
That I was playing into her scheme. This could have quite possibly been her plan all along.
Regardless of whether that was true or not I had still done wrong…
I reactivated my facebook account and tried to add you back as a friend. You didn’t acknowledge my friend request and you ignored my messages and I knew you were on because I saw your recent activity…
I waited. Quietly this time. Silently wishing I could take back every lie I had released into the atmosphere.
I heard you pull up, the front door unlock and the sound of tired footsteps as you walked past our bedroom door.
The silence between us cut me like a dagger.
Your turn.
You can yell back at me.
You can lie to me and say you don’t want me either.
Its okay I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.
And please make me your facebook friend again.
I was just kidding. Okay, I lied. And the truth is I love you and its scary because no one else on earth can get this type of reaction out of me.
Love me at my ugliest. Have me at my most beautiful.
Here I am at the dinner table. You’re still not looking at me. Please just look at me. I’m sorry. I lied to you today and you listened. But now won’t you hear me out as I tell you the truth?

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