“But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.” James 1:22-25 (NLT)
How soon I forget…:sighs:
God is amazing! For the very fact that He is so patient with me and willing to come down to my level and talk to me when I need it most. I’ve been having a James 1:24 moment “You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.” As of lately I’ve been forgetting what I look like in Christ, I haven’t been looking through Heaven’s eyes I’ve only been looking with my natural eyes and my emotions and I can testify that neither of these two things are very accurate. I must do what the Bible says and I must not forget what I’m hearing. The irony in all of this is that I know all of this already, so much so that I am the one who a lot of my friends turn to for godly advice. The same words I’ve been using to help and encourage others God has turned on me to show me my own weaknesses especially when it comes to something as simple as trusting Him and allowing Him to speak.
Whenever fear comes on the scene I seem to get this amnesia that causes me to forget what I’ve heard and even forget what I look like according to Christ and that’s no good. God has been accelerating so much in my life and in my walk with Him there’s been a lot of growth in a very short amount of time and it’s frightening at times. I thought (actually I was hoping) my growing process was on hold but on the contrary – God keeps pushing me more and more with no time to slow down and catch my breathe it’s like having to do one hundred speed drills back to back but on each drill you have to go faster than you did on the last one and it feels crazy but God is building my character and endurance. Can I catch my breath though? I mean can I have a five minute break? Even my sleep is bombarded with messages from God in the form of dreams. God doesn’t waste a moment with me.
I had a couple conversations that confirmed that I am indeed wrestling with fear and it seems to be stemming from one place. I’m afraid of growing up because it seems that God is expecting so much of me so quickly. I found that I was longing for a simpler time – a time when I was 5 years old, still living in New York attending Mount Olivet and having oatmeal for breakfast everyday. That was a time when I believed in God not just with my heart or reason but with my imagination – there was literally nothing He couldn’t do. God was the Coolest and Best. That was a time when my imagination ran wild and God was not forced into a box. I believed with my entire being that God could do exceeding abundantly above all I could ask or think of Him (even if it was only asking for an $8 doll and receiving an $80 dollhouse instead!) I knew He loved me. A time before growing older and subjecting God to finite human logic, before stuffing Him into a box made of traditions and people’s opinions of Him, before thinking God didn’t like me and literally fearing that He would send a lightening bolt to strike me down at the slightest indication of the beginning of a mistake. Now I have to overcome that logic and I have to consciously free God from that box of what He means to me so that He can be who He is and move freely in my life the way He wants to. It’s time to have that child like faith but I must also grow up.
And oh the growing pains! Growing up is not comfortable, I know that when people get taller their knees tend to hurt (I know not because I’ve gotten taller, I’ve been 5’0 for the past 13 years but hey I know people (lol) who have experienced that…) and as I grow bigger/taller in the Spirit let me tell you it’s not a lot of fun. It’s downright hard and for me quite frankly its intimidating. Does anyone remember that show? Growing Pains? With Kirk Cameron? (And Robin Thicke’s daddy? lol) Well in the theme song it says “We’re nowhere near the end/The best is ready to begin” and I know that’s the point God is trying to get across to me. Oy!
The thing I fear the most is failing. I want God to use me so much but sometimes I can’t help but think about how flawed I am and I worry that I’ll disappoint Him. I talked to my friend Marito tonight and he told me that there’s too much to do to worry about failing. That was all the sermon I needed to hear. Marito always has a ready word though sometimes I try to avoid reaching out to him…for too many reasons than I’d care to share in this particular post but maybe another time. Anyhoo the bottom line is I cannot keep thinking about failing.
If I think about having to go off into the big bad world by my lonesome in addition to the possibility of failing then of course I’d want to be 5 years old again! Who wouldn’t? But that’s just it I won’t be alone. God has ordered my steps and He walks beside me holding me with His right hand. He is my guide and the compass to my way.
God has already revealed so much to me concerning my future and you’d think it would be comforting but in all actuality its quite unsettling. Some may ask well what exactly has God told you about your future – well for one God told me where I’d be moving to after graduation in December and that has been lining up exactly how He said it.
Two, I know a great detail about my marriage, it is going to be an instrument in building God’s Kingdom. My husband is not just going to be there to cater to me and be my life companion and give me butterflies all the days of my life; he is more than that. My husband is a Kingdom Connection and our marriage will be a display of God’s Love in the earth. Uh, pressure much?? Yea.
Also both my husband and I are going to be in ministry full time. Yikes. Ministry you mean the same area I was running away from? Yea, just great, of course that’s easy to swallow – Not! Being in ministry means living in the spotlight and I grew up in the spotlight being a PK (preacher’s kid) and let me tell you I didn’t like it very much. Not only that but you can’t be a needy or insecure person in ministry, the needs of the people you are serving will have to be placed above your own. [But God I have needs too! I want time to be wined and dined! “Suck it up”. Well then, um, yeah, okay so where do we begin?]
God has already told me that everything I’ve experienced is preparing me for where He’s taking me. Really the only thing I need to do is rest in Him and trust Him – so why can’t I just do that? Because this is a war! My flesh is not having that – at least not that easy- it’s going down with a fight. Sometimes I feel like submitting to God’s will sometimes I don’t. Sometimes it’s easy to want His will for my life other times I pray that this cup will pass. Truth be told I (my flesh) don’t know what I want – but my Spirit man the real man desires to want the things that God has already purposed.
I know one thing – when I look into that Mirror Mirror on my Wall I will not see a cowardly Christian (<- that’s an oxymoron) because the Bible says that the righteous are bold as a lion. Fear has had it’s time but now I’m no longer ignorant to this device/tool/instrument that the devil has been using to take my eyes off the goal . I also won’t be looking into the eyes of a rebellious prodigal daughter I’ve already been down that road. When I look into the mirror I will see a child of the Highest, a virtuous woman, someone who is precious and priceless in the sight of God, someone who is an asset to the Kingdom – I will see faithful servant who is working to hear two words from the Almighty “Well Done.”
Mirror Mirror on the wall- who’s the wisest of us all??? God is!
Mirror mirror can this be?…Yes, It’s Christ’s reflection – He lives in me!
More Love. More Power. More Jesus for the World.
Grace & Peace