Living in a Dream State

I feel strange this morning – I can’t quite explain it so I figure I’ll explore it in a creative way through Q&A

Q: Who are you?

A: My name?

Q: Yes – what is your name? And who are you?

A: Uh – my full name?

Q: However much of your name you feel like disclosing-

A: Cara-Marie.

Q: And who are you?

A: I’m not sure yet – who I am now is not who I will be

Q: Who are you now?

A: Just a somebody who loves Jesus – He’s the compass to my way

Q: And which way is that?

A: Today I don’t know

Q: And how does that make you feel?

A: Right now…I don’t know

Q: Where do you live?

A: What state?

Q: Yes – what state?

A: Dream

Q: Why do you live there?

A: I don’t think we have a choice. We all live in a dream state.

Q: And what is a dream state?

A: thefreedictionary.com defines it as a condition of altered consciousness in which a person does not recognize the environment and reacts in a manner opposed to his or her usual behavior

Q: And what do you define it as?

A: Living within the confines of time and the physical environment

Q: We don’t recognize the physical environment?

A: Yes, we do but that is opposed to our usual behavior…

Q: Which is?

A: Before the fall of man – we were aware that there was more than just this physical arena. We knew and accepted that there was also a spiritual realm but now sin has altered our consciousness and now all we know is the now. Even the past seems like a distant dream. The future is an abstract thought that is always beyond our reach.

Q: How does that make you feel?

A: Sad.

Q: Why?

A: Because I know the truth and still I grapple with it.

Q: What is the truth you’re struggling with?

A: All of this – this world around us that we experience with our five senses is fading. It’s not real. This wall – is not real. Everything we can see, feel, smell, touch, and hear is temporary and subject to change. Nothing in this temporal world is stationary or permanent. Especially the people.

Q: Does that bother you?

A: Not all the time but today – yes

Q: Why today?

A: I don’t know…maybe because I’ve been thinking a lot about death.

Q: Why?

A: Because I’ve heard of a lot of people dying lately.

Q: What about death have you been thinking?

A: I wonder if it will be like going to sleep and waking up but instead of waking up to the world I’ve been used to, will I be waking up in heaven…and then will I be able to see the way I do now, in short will I still have my five senses? And will I know I’ll have died aside from the heavenly welcome I’ll receive?

Q: So you’re sure there is a heaven?

A: Yes

Q: And you’re sure you’re going there?

A: Yes

Q: Why?

A: Because there’s only one way and I’ve embraced it.

Q: And that way is…?

A: Jesus the Christ.

Q: What affect does that have on your day to day?

A: I’m more aware of what goes on.

Q: How?

A: I’m not just going through the motions – everything I do everything that happens is in accordance with God’s will.

Q: How does that make you feel?

A: Good…most days.

Q: And today?

A: Today – blah.

Q: Why blah?

A: Because today I feel the weight of the responsibility I’ve been called to carry. I’d like to save the world, but I can’t. I’d like to always be influencing people for the better but sometimes I don’t. Even laughing at something I shouldn’t laugh at is encouraging bad behavior.

Q: Have you done that recently?

A: <sighs> Yes.

Q: What happened next?

A: I felt guilty.

Q: What did that guilt move you to do?

A: <sighs> Nothing but ponder how I can ensure that never happens again.

Q: How did that guilt make you feel?

A: Torn.

Q: Between?

A: Being a great friend and being a great Christian.

Q: What have you decided?

A: God trumps everything else.

Q: And what of your friends?

A: I don’t know

Q: What is it about today that makes you feel strange other than your laughing episode?

A: I’m feeling a wave of nostalgia

Q: Concerning?

A: My childhood

Q: What about your childhood do you wish you could bring back?

A: A lot of things, my paternal grandparents, my best guy friend

Q: What happened to your grandparents?

A: They’re in heaven.

Q: And your best guy friend?

A: I don’t know

Q: Is he living in this dream state?

A: Yes.

Q: What’s the latest on him?

A: I don’t want to talk about it

Q: Any last words?

A: Yes. Life is hard but God is good.

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