Whirlwind Part IX

“You have to go Vance,” Pavi said seriously.

“Sounds like you just remembered you had something to do,” Vance said teasingly.

“Nope.”

“Okay…”

“Okay what?”

“That was your opening to explain. You tell me I have to go in the midst of deciding what we’re doing together w…”

Pavi snapped. “Ugh! Could you…could you just stop saying together and Implying together and just go?”

“What’s going on with you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it! Just get out.” Pavi pushed Vance closer to the car door.

“Yo, you need to relax. And tell me what’s going on.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“One minute you’re good the next you’re not. There’s Something to tell.”

“You have too much power Vance!”

“What?” Vance asked sincerely puzzled.

“You’re in my car. In the driver’s seat!”

“You don’t want me in the driver’s seat of your car. That’s your problem?” Vance had to stiffle his urge to laugh.

“No I don’t have a problem other than the fact that you are a power junkie who is using me to get off as a way to feel better about himself!”

“I don’t follow.”

“Stop being a sarcastic prick.”

Vance surprised himself when he flinched unexpectedly. Pavi was too fired up to notice.

“It’s all mind games and power trips with you Vance. And I keep telling myself that I’m done and I’m through with it and you and here I am falling back into the same hum drum crap with you knowing what’s going to happen…”

Vance kept his tone even and cool “Okay. I wasn’t aware that I was dealing with a prophet…”

“Could you be serious for a minute? For one tiny, tired minute? And…and pretend. Please? And pretend that for one moment you’re not the calm, cool, collected nonchalant ass you seem to be.”

“And by ass you mean donkey?”

“Yes,” Pavi said in an exasperated tone.

“Does my ass-like stubbornness frustrate you?”

“It’s not just your stubbornness Vance. It’s Everything. Once upon a time we Were together and because I’m a woman I was The woman in the relationship and that means I got stuck with the desire for closure and the feelings that were hard to shake. It took a long Long time. I turned all my power over to you in the form of my body and there was nothing left because I loved you with all of me. There was nothing left Vance.”

“I didn’t…”

“Could you just listen? Listen. I let you talk the other night. Now I need you to be here for me and just listen. It’s all still a process for me. Getting back my power and working you out of my system it’s all a process one that I’m threatening to undo by being here with you. I’ve worked too long and too hard to convince myself that you are not what I need and definitely not what I want to allow all of my work to amount to nothing.  And for what? For some pizza and a good laugh? You were the only one that had the ability to get under my skin. Even when you were gone your presence was like a leech that was sucking me dry and just wouldn’t fall off until it had run its course. And I’ve still allowed you to have this power over me. I, I don’t know how to explain it but I know I don’t like it. Your words aren’t supposed to be so en grained in my thoughts. It’s not cool that when you enter a room my whole atmosphere changes – I become uneasy and more self conscious. The way you say my name isn’t supposed to phase me. You’re just supposed to be another person. A vague face from my past and just another face in the crowd of my present. And it’s not like that. And…and that’s what I want.”

“What’s going to happen?” Vance asked in a curt tone.

“Out of everything I just said…”

“I let you talk. Now I want some clarification. What do you Know is going to happen?”

“You’re using me.”

Vance nodded in thought then said, “I’m using you. And why, why do you think that?”

“Know.”

“Fine. Why do you Think you Know that?”

“Because this is what you do. You’re comfortable with me. I make you feel good for as long as you need me to. We have a good time together and when things get old and I become simple, no longer a challenge, you disappear only to pop up again whenever you Feel like it and the cycle repeats.”

“And this is what I’m doing now?”

Pavi looked a bit confused, “Why are you asking me? You know what you’re doing…”

“I’m asking you because You have it all figured out and nothing I say will change your mind. I remember. I’m not the only stubborn one. Is this what you think I’m doing now?”

Pavi let out a defeated sigh, “I don’t know What you’re doing…”

“Hmmm…interesting. So you’d rather Assume hmmm there goes that word again from the other night…And we’ve established many times that assumptions are the lowest form of knowledge…”

“Don’t get wordy with me. I hate when you do that…”

“Since that doesn’t work for the lady, okay. Fine. You Don’t know what I’m doing. This, This is what you just said but you Know what’s going to happen. I don’t get it. I thought the best thing to do when you don’t know is Ask not  Assume.”

“You’re being mean. You’re trying to make me sound dumb.”

“No! No. I just don’t think you’re Hearing yourself right now. It’s not my intention to make you feel uncomfortable or Undo all this work you’ve done to forget me.” Vance’s head jerked back with the last two words.

“Vance,” Pavi said pleadingly.

“What?”

“I don’t know…”

“Yea.”

“That’s it?”

“Yea.” Vance shrugged. “What else is there to say? I already apologized. You’re not willing to give me a clean slate and I have no say in the matter and you know what? That’s fair. Yea.” Vance nodded to himself, confirming his words more to himself than to Pavi. “I’d like for us to be friends but I want you to be comfortable more than I’d like to be your friend. Enjoy the rest of your day.” Vance opened the car door got out and walked with even steps the few feet to the door of the driver’s seat of his car. Pavi slowly exited the passenger side and slid into the driver’s seat of her car.

Once Vance saw that she was seated he started up his car and drove off.

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