Lovin’ “You” Is Hard & By “You” I Mean ME

“Lovin’ You Is Hard/Lovin’ You Is Wonderful…/I Won’t Let You Lie to Yourself” – Corinne Bailey Rae

…And by “YOU” I mean ME

Loving myself is hard. But loving myself is wonderful.

And I have to love myself – properly

Before

I can love others – the Right[eous] way.

Loving myself properly means accepting…embracing…Love in the form of God & His Son Jesus & that precious gift of His Spirit

But

It also means Not taking Grace & Mercy & Peace for granted.

The Love of God…God being Love…is wonderful

That second part though is hard to stay on top of.

…It’s an aching. A sick, twisted desire to wake up in another place, in another time and/or as another person. Living life entirely in your head. Knowledge you possess it but translating all that knowledge into practical application is a different story altogether. The way wise advice rolls off your tongue it would be insulting to another’s intelligence to think that you haven’t gone through and experienced all they have and in fact lived out and taken your own counsel.

But if the truth were exposed

As I expose it here now…what would they find?

They would find someone who has long been frustrated with herself but because of the hand of God is still here because He keeps navigating her through this often blurred life. 2010 is almost gone. What did I learn? More importantly what did my life teach & did I take heed to those lessons? No one wants to hear about my disappointments or trials or tests. I don’t even want to hear it. I’m sick of living with thoughts of it.

 

I’ve convinced myself that if I could live my entire life outside of myself and my thoughts and my feelings, if I were as unselfish as I told myself I need to be then I wouldn’t have to deal with my frustrations, and anxieties and disappointments and the hard part of loving myself wouldn’t be so hard anymore. Self love when its healthy and isn’t just selfishness is a wonderful thing. I’m a wonderful person with a whole lot to offer but my current reality dictates to me that, that is not enough. And that is fine. If it was enough I would probably end up settling with myself and that I refuse to do. I’m always growing, always blooming, always blossoming and so though my feelings try to tell me others wise-

I won’t let me lie to myself.

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